he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
