My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We smell like vodka and hangover
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
