she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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