Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
