you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
