If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't put those talents on a resume
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
