No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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