i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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