i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
