I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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