I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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