no, he came in my armpit
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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