my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
