I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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