I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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