I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
