I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
