Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
