It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize