You can't motorboat a personality
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
