I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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