I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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