he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
