Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
did i just pee glitter
You are a genius and a whore.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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