Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
COCAINE IS GR8
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
