apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
