ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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