no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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