ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
