Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
