I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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