Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
