I seem to have left my pride at pride
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need a beard to bite.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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