I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
