Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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