Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she peed on how many people?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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