I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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