This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
