i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
