So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Floor bacon is actually really good
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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