I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
