he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
