I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
