I'm going to jail i love you
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
