....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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