Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
