Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
