I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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