look no pants
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
