took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
