If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
