Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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