best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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