just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
