I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
