I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
