I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
