We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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