I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Damn victory sex feels great
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
