He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
